“A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…” ―Elizabeth Gilbert
Our hearts kept it simple.
I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once. I don’t really know when it exactly happened, but, I crashed into you fully and never looked back.
My heart was unguarded, and I gave you all of me. We didn’t just hang out. We played. Our souls were alive — we were like two little kids again seeing the world for the first time — being with you multiplied all the good in life and changed me forever.
But our minds were another story.
We were complicated people, you and I. We weren’t simple. My mind was analytical and imaginative and I thought about everything. A lot. — so did you…
We ended up making every situation in our life about 100x more difficult than it had to be.
We argued a lot. I fought with you at inopportune times, but my anger was fueled by my passion and emotions for you. I cared. I loved you. I loved that I was the only one you showed certain parts of yourself to, and I in turn gave you all of me.
You wiped my tears as I spoke about my family, there’s nothing in this world I loved more than holding your hand and whispering words of togetherness in your ear, because with you, I knew I wasn’t broken, I was just bent. And I loved all your edges. Your imperfections were perfect to me.
I challenged you because I loved you.
I confronted you a lot. I’m not the type of guy who nods and laughs and is always comfortable, I wasn’t easy — as in, I didn’t just “go with the flow.” But that’s because I craved more from you — I had opinions and big dreams for the future, I wanted the best for you. I never put up with not getting everything our relationship deserved.
I never let you get away with slacking on putting in effort towards our relationship because I knew what we had. And you were never left uninspired or unsatisfied.
You broke my heart.
Not too long into our magic, things started to turn. The fireworks combusted, leaving us burned and confused. We wanted it so badly that we thought there was a logical solution to working out our differences. But there wasn’t.
The truth is, you just weren’t ready. Your past, your demons, whatever the reason was, you started to push me away. You loved me in a way I have never been loved but you still weren’t ready. And that was the hardest thing to accept.
I knew I had to let go. Because you never ever have to convince or inspire someone to do the work to be ready.
There are many things I haven’t thanked you for.
I thought I couldn’t live without you, but my heart is finally starting to beat again. You broke my heart open and new light is getting in, you made me so desperate and out of control that I had to transform my life, and I am.
I thought I would grow old with you, but sometimes, life has other plans. That doesn’t mean I ever stop loving you. When someone touches your heart, they will infinitely be there.
I had so much anger and pain, it was gnawing away at me, slowly destroying me. But then I realized that our love wasn’t the kind that results in the fusing of two lives into one, it was the kind of love that gave me new life, that taught me much more than a happily ever after ever could. And I don’t regret a second of it.